“Hey now, this is my desire…”

I am admittedly terrible at keeping a blog.

I have made several attempts over the last ten years or so, and probably haven’t lasted more than a month in any of them. But I wouldn’t know because I have forgotten the links to almost all of them.

Lately however, it has been on my heart to try again.

This will probably just be a random, eclectic mess of my thoughts without a major theme tying them together. This is the song though that has been repeating itself in my head though literally for weeks without stopping, and this is just a small step in that direction:

“Hey now, this is my desire

Consume me like a fire

Cause I just want something beautiful

to touch me

I know that I’m in reach

Cause I am down on my knees

I’m waiting for something beautiful”

-Needtobreathe

While Needtobreathe doesn’t officially consider themselves a Christian band, they have had a number of hit songs on Christian radio charts. This is one in particular that means a lot to me.

(Another thing I should note: excuse me if I ever start busting out the cheese or cliches with my writing. It’s unintentional ;))

Lately I have been asking God to take the control of my life away from me. This may sound strange. You might think “Why not just pray to have the answers, or for things to go a certain way, and hope for the best?” etc. Well, my answer is pretty simple, and that is because my plans for my own life are very small and insignificant compared to God’s potential for me. Instead of stubbornly pushing for my own agenda that typically doesn’t really work out the way that I wanted or envisioned, I made the decision to say “God, you know everything. Relatively speaking I know nothing. It would be so easy for you to write me off and say that I have had countless chances to seek you out with my whole heart and haven’t done it, but instead you have given me unquestioning and never failing grace. I want to see what your plan is for me. Use me however you want.”

I want to be ready now to move forward, lose all fear of the unknown, and see what God can do without my self-righteous fighting for what I want, and what I think will make me happy. God created me. He knows better than anyone, including myself, what will make me happy. One of my favorite sayings is: “God has three answers to prayer: Yes, Not Yet, and I Have Something Better In Mind.” I am trusting that God has something better in mind for me than what I had wanted necessarily a few years ago, even this time last year.

To go on about all of the ways God has already changed my life for the better would take many pages, and I am concerned that it would appear that I am talking more about myself and bragging versus boasting about the Lord. So please do not misunderstand me; anything that is good in my life is a complete gift from God. I have not earned anything, and I do not necessarily deserve anything. Christ paid the ultimate price and gave everything when I contributed nothing so that I could live forever as a child of God. That is His promise to us. Now I am excited to see how He can use me to spread His good news and this promise to the world. I might get one reader on this blog, I might get 100, I genuinely have no idea.

But if any one person can connect with some of the things that I write about, it will be so worth it.

I am not always the best of writers. I get impatient, make typos without necessarily reading back over them, and probably do not always explain myself as well as I could. Please forgive me if anything I say causes confusion! That is not my intention. My intention is to occasionally sit down at my laptop and just free write on whatever it is that has been on my mind lately, and how God has been working in my life. I want to share the good news that was shared with me, and how I can feel the Holy Spirit working in people in my life. This has not been an easy journey. There have been so many wonderful things that have come out of it; far more than I could ever describe. But there have also been very difficult times that I have had to pray for the strength to deal with. I will go into both of these things in the weeks to come.

If anyone has any questions or discussion points though, I welcome you to contact me! I absolutely love talking about the Bible with people, and am very excited about a few projects I have coming up that I hope will glorify God and bring me to even the next level with my faith. I am just thrilled to see where this goes!

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