It’s getting quite late, so this is going to be a relatively short blog post, however I am so fired up right now that I felt like I should write something! I should warn you- this is very much an introspective segment.
For those of you who I have been talking to the last few weeks, you know I have been in this really bizarre state of emotion that people apparently use the word “bittersweet” to describe. I have been so pumped about this mission I am about to begin, moving to Charlotte, and what the future will bring, but at the same time I have been having a hard time letting go of some people here who have become my second family.
Well, this is just going to be a positive post. So, enter the “sweet” side of that equation.
Lately I have been praying for God to give me peace about what He has in store for me. I am excited, I know that it’s the right thing, but I want to move forward with it completely committed with no loose ends. I want to feel like I am moving on to the next chapter of my life with a sense of excited urgency to get things done and just enjoy every minute of it. And I knew that if I was feeling “homesick”, so to speak, for Chapel Hill, my roommates and others friends, the families at the homeless shelter, and Grace and her parents, that I would not be as effective as a leader (oh yeah…did I mention I was picked to lead the team? Could use some extra prayers for that : )) as I could be. So I knew I needed to pray for peace during this whole time.
Peace has proven to be a very different thing, as could be expected, than “I can’t wait to leave.” I am going to miss everyone so incredibly much. But instead of feeling anxious over the situation, lately I have been oddly, and at times eerily, relaxed. I am focusing on the new beginning, instead of the ending. Focusing on how all of the lessons learned, especially over the last year and a half (and there have been many) can be applied to my life purely for the purpose of serving the Lord.
And that is a really, really great feeling. To be trying so hard to focus on not serving my own desires, but doing what I really believe it is that I am called to be working towards. I have had this desire lately to completely immerse myself in God’s word. I have listened to about 20 sermons in the last two weeks (podcasts are an amazing invention), read several books, and am working my way through the New Testament. Lately I haven’t been able to get enough of it. It’s probably the best addiction you could have though, really.
My biggest prayer of all right now is that God maintains this fire that has been lit inside my heart.
I have said lately that for my stint overseas this summer I am 90 percent excited and 10 percent nervous. I am sure that the latter percentage will rear its ugly head again in the next week (yep. I am moving in one week. crazy.) but right now I am just stoked and ready to see what the Lord has planned, whether its baby steps or giant leaps.